


The one where Clint and Loki become buddies, get drunk together, and take out Thanos in the dumbest way possible and then get drunk again

by Reremouse (TheBelfry)



Series: Ridiculous Avengers Things That Never Happened [3]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Loki will admit it only on pain of truly awful and permanent death, The stupidest ideas are sometimes great ideas, but thanos deserves it, clint and Loki become buddies, clint will stand by that, implied gore, the snap never happens for obvious (stupid) reasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22127446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBelfry/pseuds/Reremouse
Summary: Spoiler: Thanos dies. Nobody else does.
Series: Ridiculous Avengers Things That Never Happened [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1592767
Comments: 7
Kudos: 56





	The one where Clint and Loki become buddies, get drunk together, and take out Thanos in the dumbest way possible and then get drunk again

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, do these even need notes anymore?

I want to see a story where Loki and Clint become friends after going through the whole cycle of: 

“You mind controlled me!” 

“I was under mind control!” 

And eventually get to the point of: 

“You know what? Thanos is an asshole.” 

“Let’s kill him.” 

And Clint would say: 

“Hey, you remember that time when you were trying to take over Manhattan?” 

“Vividly. And I was not trying to take over Manhattan.” 

“Whatever. The catching my arrow thing. You think Thanos would do that?” 

“Undoubtedly. If it were as simple as an arrow - “ 

“No, no. Hear me out. Not a SIMPLE arrow.” 

And that’s how Clint ends up firing an arrow at Thanos that Thanos catches even easier than Loki did, but big deal. Clint knew at least three guys in the circus who survived learning that trick. He’s one of them. 

And THAT is how when Thanos catches the arrow and gives Clint his big arrogant villain speech, the arrowhead pops open and a tiny Loki jumps into Thanos’ helmet and makes a bee-line down his ear canal. 

There’s a bit of an earthquake when he hits the eardrum, unsurprisingly, but the real showstopper comes after Loki takes a hard right up the Eustachian tube and dives for Thanos’ brain. 

It’s messy returning to 6’ plus of armored Asgardian inside a guy’s brain, but even Clint has to admit the horned helmet was a nice touch. 

And that’s how, when Earth’s guardian forces arrive to battle Thanos and his minions, they find Loki and Clint getting drunk together in a bar nobody remembers being there before and a conspicuous lack of super-duper-villain to battle. 

The end. 

Post credits scene: 

Ant man: (looking down at what’s left of Thanos, calls out after departing heros) I could have done that! I totally could have done that!


End file.
